Do you have a plan for retirement?
No, I’m not talking about the financial side of retirement. I’m talking about daily life after retirement.
My husband retired recently, and I’m still working, mainly from home. We thought we had a good enough plan in place to keep our lives running smoothly.
We’d thought and talked about it – a lot. This will be a breeze, right? We’re both independent people, good at communication and compromise and don’t get our feelings hurt if someone needs some space. And we like each other, so no worries, right?
Wait. What? You’re going in the bathroom now? I have to be ready for a meeting in two minutes!
Yes, it was funny when you walked by during my Zoom meeting … the first time.
I really need to get a “meeting in session” sign.
All kidding aside, we’re doing pretty well, so far. But I encourage you to have some honest and direct conversations before one, or both, of you retire. Expectations for each person in a partnership may be very different.
Most people have a good idea of what things they want to do when they finally retire but it’s important that those ideas mesh with your partners’ ideas.
What do we expect? What does he want? What do I want? What do we know we both want, separately and together?
Let’s face it, you’ve probably spent the majority of the last 20 or 30 years working 8-10 hours away from your partner five days a week. Suddenly, spending all this time together is going to take an adjustment and some compromise.
It’s the little things that can become difficult. He’s a morning person, I’m not. I need quiet in the morning with my coffee and the news. He’s already been up for a couple of hours, and he wants to talk.
What about meals? Will there be an expectation of lunches together? I like to graze throughout the day, he’s a sit-down-and-relax kind of guy. Who’s making dinner? I’m more of a homebody, he likes to be on the go.
Some of the personality differences that really worked for you and your partner before retiring can now become difficult to navigate.
Before he retired, I’d tell him I was going to have a contract drawn up for our new life at home. Of course, I was teasing … but I might be rethinking that now.
And it doesn’t only affect him and me. What about our extended family? Will we be spending more time with them? Will we be traveling more to see them? Will we be more available to help our children or family? Or are we envisioning a quieter and more relaxing retirement?
All good questions and all things that should be talked about.
Most people want to live a full and active life after retirement, so how you spend your day-to-day life should be looked at and planned for just as diligently as the financial side of retirement.
Sit down together, and make a list of pros and cons. Decide together where this journey is going to take you. And start planning now, no matter how old or young you are. Planning for the future can sometimes bring the present into focus.
And if your partner and you retire at different times, always be willing to revisit and adapt your expectations.
I’m grateful that I have this time with my husband, and we’ll carry on together down this road, through all the twists, turns and speed bumps. I’m confident we’ll be able to not only survive, but enjoy retirement – his, mine and ours.