By Alexandra Newman
I recently overheard an Area Agency on Aging (AAA) care manager on the phone with the caregiver of a client. While I could only hear her half of the conversation, you could tell the gentleman on the other end of the phone was in distress.
“You are not alone. You are not alone,” I heard her say to him over and over again.
Girls are often thrusted into caregiving roles from a young age. They are expected to care for their younger siblings or babysit the neighborhood kids in a way boys aren’t expected to. As they get older, they’re expected to be the primary caregiver of their children and often end up caring for their and their spouses’ aging parents.
So when a man must care for his ailing spouse, or aging parents, he may not know where to turn or even think to seek support.
But, the times, they are a-changing.
According to Pew Research Center, since 1965, the amount of time men spend caring for children has tripled. Research from AARP found that men today make up about 40 percent of family caregivers.
While professional caregiving is still dominated by women, those numbers are also improving. Today the proportion of male nurses has risen to 13 percent, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
I read an interesting article on Slate.com last week from a writer who studies male caregivers. While her article used the story of Alex Pretti, the male ICU nurse killed in Minneapolis last month, it was more focused on men overcoming the social stigma around caring in general.
She cited several reports, including one from New America, a nonpartisan think tank in Washington, D.C. In 2021 they analyzed a nationally representative survey and a series of online focus groups to identify traits of men who are professional caregivers.
Many men in these roles feel a strong sense of purpose and meaning in their jobs, according to the report. And though some note that the culture around them—and even, at times, their own loved ones—jokes about men in nursing, they also say they are proud of their work and that they would recommend a caring profession to younger men.
Many of the men in the study saw their work not as a foray into something feminine or even as a feminist act, but as a profession that transcends gender roles entirely.
I’ve seen this among my peers, family and community circles. I have two male friends, in their late 20s/early 30s, who went back to school to pursue their calling as nurses. My uncle is a stay-at-home dad, caring for my two young cousins while his wife works.
I can also think of two amazing older male caregivers I know who care for their wives with Parkinson’s – never looking for recognition – just doing their jobs.
This improved outlook and support for male caregiving has extended to a new local support group for men, hosted by our local Alzheimer’s Association chapter.
The group meets the second Thursday of each month from 1-2:30 p.m. at the St. Joseph/Maud Preston Palenske Memorial Library.
This support group gives men a safe space to reflect on their caregiving experience and find support from others going through the same thing. While the support group is aimed at men caring for someone with dementia and Alzheimer’s, the group is a welcoming place for any type of male caregiver looking to find support and/or community resources.
Research from AARP shows that despite the financial, physical, and mental stresses of caregiving, 82 percent of caregivers say the role gives them a sense of purpose in life, and 81 percent say it makes them feel good about themselves.
No matter your gender, if you’re caring for a loved one, or want to provide care to someone in need by volunteering, you don’t have to do it alone.
Area Agency on Aging is your trusted source for answers and assistance. From in-home care options to respite services and critical resources, we make it easier to balance your life while caregiving. Give our Info-Line for Aging & Disability a call today at 800-654-2810.
The Generations column appears each weekend in The Herald-Palladium.