When Shirley Behm first called Area Agency on Aging last November, she was a new caregiver who just needed some help.
“I’ll be honest, we made an appointment to get some information, but two months later, it felt like no one was helping us,” she said in a phone interview this week.
They had moved Behm’s 89-year-old mother into their home in Jones, Michigan, and her high-level of care was taking a toll on the family.
“I must have registered as very sad during my follow up phone call on Dec. 28, and within a few weeks, everything fell into place,” Shirley said.
For her, it’s the weekly phone calls from their care manager that have been the most valuable.
“For her to call every week is just so appreciated. She asks me how it’s going; I can vent a little, she will listen, offer me suggestions on things to try, and you just feel like someone is there with you,” Shirley said.
The family had tried putting mom in a nursing home, but it wasn’t the best place for her with her schizophrenia and hearing loss.
Everything scared her. To her, there were strangers coming in and out of her room all day. A worker had tried to move her, she couldn’t hear or understand what was happening, and her shoulder ended up wrenched.
“The nursing home staff even told me I should stop visiting so much so she could get used to it. I couldn’t believe it,” Shirley said. “So, she moved into our dining room.”
To her, it was important mom had people around she knew and could trust, even if she still couldn’t hear them.
A suggestion from their care manager to get a Pocketalker, a headset with an amplifying system, has been a game changer for the family, Shirley said.
Mom started receiving home-delivered meals but wasn’t excited about them being in the microwaveable tray.
“Our care manager suggests simple things like putting the meal on a paper plate,” Shirley said. “Those are just things you don’t think about when you’re an overwhelmed caregiver.”
In addition, boxes of supplies, like pads, are delivered to the home each month. Shirley said the care the company puts in to get the sizes right, and make sure the product is correct for her mom’s sensitive skin has been incredibly helpful.
While Shirley does have to privately pay for additional in-home care for her mother a few times a week, she feels lucky to have four generations living in one household.
“My disabled brother has lived with us for 11 years now, and my son lives here, and my grandson stays with us half the time,” she said. “I wouldn’t want it any other way. We all play a part in mom’s care. I don’t know if I could do it without that generational support.”
Shirley’s mom will turn 90 this December and she said she knows her level of care will change as she continues to age.
“I know there will be more challenges ahead, but working with our care manager through Area Agency on Aging has been a blessing,” she said.
As I heard Shirley’s story, I couldn’t help to think about the people who didn’t give us a call back; the people who, after one appointment with AAA, didn’t feel like we helped, continued to be frustrated, burnt out and exhausted, but didn’t try again.
You shouldn’t have to try again, but you should try to remember we’re humans. Sometimes we’re backed up with others who need our assistance. Sometimes we’re working to improve our system with a new tool, and someone falls through the cracks. Sometimes we just have a bad day.
This is your reminder to keep asking for help until you get it. It can be hard enough to ask for help in the first place. Once you find your voice, keep using it until you feel supported in your journey, whatever it might be.
Your first step can be calling our Info-Line: 800-654-2810. And if we don’t answer your question the first time, give us another call.
Alexandra Newman is the communications and outreach coordinator for the Region IV Area Agency on Aging in Southwest Michigan. Interested in having an AAA representative speak to your group or organization? Email alexandranewman@areaagencyonaging.org. Questions on age or independence services? Call the Info-Line for Aging & Disability at 800654-2810. The Generations column appears each weekend in The Herald-Palladium.