By Sara Duris
Q: My kids and grandkids live in another state and we haven’t celebrated a holiday with them since 2023. My husband’s dementia has gotten worse and although we’ve done ok with video chats, I’m nervous about all of them coming here to visit. Should I tell them to stay in a hotel?
A. Holidays do bring a lot of activities, visitors, and changes in daily routine, all of which can be stressful for a person with dementia. Additionally, persons with Alzheimer’s and other dementias are usually quite sensitive to other’s feelings and moods, so if you are stressed out, it can add to their stress. Certainly, you should have an honest discussion with your children about your concerns and look at options such as having them stay in a hotel or with other family, if possible, even if it is just for a portion of their visit. Try to plan activities for the time of day when your husband is at his best and have a “Plan B” such as a quiet place for him to go if activities become overwhelming.
DailyCaring.com has these other useful tips to help persons with dementia and their families enjoy the holidays:
- Make sure your family members are aware of both physical and cognitive changes they might not expect before they arrive at your home. For instance, let them know if a person has lost weight, speaks differently, or uses a wheelchair or incontinence products now. Also advise them if the family member might not know them or that they ask the same question repeatedly. Limiting negative reactions helps reduce stress for everyone.
- Modify family traditions and focus on the quality of interactions, not in trying to do everything exactly as it used to be done. Ask your loved one if they have a favorite family tradition they recall and involve them in the planning.
- Along these lines, try to involve the older adult in holiday preparations, focusing on their current abilities and giving them small tasks they can accomplish successfully. This is a great way to involve grandchildren, as well, helping to roll cookie dough, polish silver, or string popcorn or cranberries.
- Try to include music, such as favorite holiday carols, as persons with dementia usually respond well to music even when they are unresponsive in other areas.
- Use moderation in decorating. Too much clutter, décor, or twinkling lights can cause over-stimulation and disorientation.
Even if your husband might not remember these holiday activities later, the warm feelings he will gain are a different kind of memory his body will carry for a while. For other ideas and tips for helping persons with dementia enjoy the holidays, see www.DailyCaring.com, www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance, and www.alz.org/help-support/resources/holidays.
Area Agency on Aging (AAA) and National Council of Dementia Minds have quite few online resources for caregivers, as well. Go to https://areaagencyonaging.org/caregiver-resources for information on support groups, programs and services.
Additionally, beginning in January 2026, AAA and the Campus for Creative Aging will be hosting Memory Cafés in Berrien County for persons with dementia and their caregivers. Memory Cafés provide a welcoming environment where those with dementia and their caregivers can engage in art, games, puzzles and learning opportunities. Memory Cafés will be led by trained volunteer facilitators but are not meant to provide respite care. Caregivers join their care recipient at each café and together experience a haven for nonjudgmental fun. Below are times and locations. For more information, contact Jess Kolbe, Campus for Creative Aging Coordinator, at 269-932-7865.
9:30-11:30 a.m. 1st Tuesday of the month
New Buffalo Township Library, 33 N. Thompson St., New Buffalo
9:30-11:30 a.m. 2nd Thursday of the month
Niles District Library, 620 E. Main St, Niles
1:00-3:00 p.m. 3rd Monday of the month (**2nd Monday in Jan and Feb due to holidays)
Lincoln Township Public Library, 2099 W. John Beers Rd, Stevensville
Remember: Medicare Open Enrollment runs until December 7, 2025. In most cases this is the only time you can pick a new Medicare Advantage or Part D plan. Changes you make during Fall Open Enrollment will take effect January 1, 2026. Contact Medicare at 1-800-633-4227, or go to www.Medicare.gov, to review your options
Sara Duris is the Professional Referral Specialist on the Information & Assistance Team at Region IV Area Agency on Aging. The Generations column appears each weekend in The Herald-Palladium.