When one thinks of a sandwich, images of peanut butter and jelly oozing out over the edges of their bread might pop into their mind’s eye – or turkey, cheese, tomatoes, and lettuce spilling out. There are all kinds of delicious sandwiches that many of us enjoy. But there is another kind of sandwich that can be a little harder to swallow – the sandwich generation.
I am a part of the “sandwich generation”. The sandwich generation is a group of people who provide care to both their children and their aging parents. I am a woman in my mid-thirties with a toddler on one knee and a watermelon sized belly with baby No. 2 on the way – I also have parents in their 70s who have their own unique care needs.
This part of life that I am in is not unusual. There are many in our community who walk the same line, balancing the care needs of both generational sides of their family. I view it as an honor and privilege to give back to my parents the love they have showered me with. I also believe there is great honor in raising the next generation.
Where do the caregivers fit in? Who cares for me? While this may seem like a selfish question, self-care is vital to the preservation of the care providers in this equation. Without self-care, we “burn the wick at both ends” and eventually fizzle out. We must keep our own lights burning brightly! And to do so requires self-care.
But what is self-care? Society often touts pedicures and massages, candles, and glasses of wine. There is nothing wrong with these things! But these things will not restore you or preserve you.
Sandwich generation caregivers must establish boundaries – determine what your “non-negotiables” will be. Do you set a firm timeframe on your workday? Is a 9 or 10 PM bedtime a must? Establishing these boundaries are vital. And sticking to them is imperative.
Release the idea of perfection. “White-picket fence lives” are a wonderful aspiration – but not when you, as a caregiver, are being stretched too thin. Give up the idea of keeping up with your neighbor and do the essentials of what needs to be done.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The key is the need to be specific. Call a neighbor and ask if they can bring your trash cans to the curb. Text a friend and ask if they can bring you a meal tomorrow night because you are double-booked and won’t have time to grocery shop. People who care about you want to help. You just need to give them the opportunity!
Lean into available resources. Join a book club or a group in your faith community who might be able to provide social or emotional support. Check out the local library for activities to keep your loved ones busy and fulfilled. Hire a babysitter or caregiver so you can have a night out, or so you can get things done.
Reach out to your local Region IV Area Agency on Aging to see if their knowledgeable staff might be able to point you in the right direction of specific resources you might need.
One specific resource that could be hugely beneficial to you is our caregiver education web-based platform – Trualta. Trualta has thoroughly tested and vetted techniques for caring for your aging loved ones. With many videos and articles, you have a wealth of knowledge and tutorials at your fingertips online at rivaaa.trualta.com. All free!
While I know this season of my life won’t last forever, I want to have the energy and ability to cherish it. I don’t want a moldy, inedible sandwich, I want something gourmet that will delight and refresh! I want that for you, too.
Emily Marshall is a care manager/social worker for the Region IV Area Agency on Aging in Southwest Michigan. Call the Info-Line for Aging & Disability at 800-654-2810 or visit www.areaagencyonaging.org. The Generations column appears each weekend in The Herald-Palladium.